Finally Friday

Friday... You thought the weekend would never come. It's been one hell of a week and your body has been inundated with cortisone which is evident from the burst blood vessels occupying your eyes. Okay so maybe the whites of your eyes are just looking a little red but it definitely feels as if you are approaching meltdown.


You gulp down your last double macchiato as the clock strikes home o'clock and get ready to switch the drinks from caffeine to tequila. Ready to rip off your corporate attire consisting of black on black on black with white; your well-mannered, polished, office façade has well and truly gone out the window as you welcome the weekend with a hearty 'Thank fuck it's Friday!'

First foot out the building and already you're on your mobile excitedly planning where you'll be making an appearance later that night. Now deciding between a nice swanky cocktail bar or a dark and dirty, grimy club is easy peasy but it's the age-old what-to-wear dilemma, that has the potential to destroy your plans of dancing on tables and keep you at home, sulking in bed over your non-existent wardrobe.

Yes; it's happened to me before. One minute you are singing into your hairspray can with excitement, the next your clothes that once hung in your now empty wardrobe, are in one massive pile on the floor all deemed as 'not fabulous enough' for tonight.

There are only two things that can save you at this point, the first being hair and make up. If you aren't already dolled up, chances are everything will look crap anyway. Failing that, you need a good girlfriend's perspective to hunt down the hidden treasures and unlikely combinations that will get you back in party spirits.

Once you've conquered your Mount Everest it's time to skol the obligatory 'before drinks' (most likely consisting of some kind of vile wine) before heading out and causing some chaos. So girlfriends in tow and feeling slightly tipsy, you step out on the town awaiting what's to come in anticipation.

Starting with some shots is the smartest thing to do before hitting the dance floor. No one wants to be the rigid, straight-laced hunchback that is still stuck in office mode and struggling to bust a move. Some vodka should get your wheels in motion and have you and your posse dancing like superstars (read: absolute fools) in no time.

Then comes sussing out the crowd i.e. keeping your eyes peeled for cute boys. Careful not to let your eyes linger too long on the smarmy, greasy-haired Fabio wannabe, he'll mistake it as a green light to strut over and buy you a cock-sucking cowboy. And once he's over he'll be hard to get rid of and proceed to order more shots while making repulsive innuendos about the drinks in question.

Once you do catch the attention of someone who takes your fancy, promptly order some more alcohol and promise yourself you'll approach later in the night if he fails to notice you. Hey, the lighting is dark, so you'll give him the benefit of the doubt. Either that or he must be gay.

Although the boys-who-like-boys are usually easy to spot, sometimes looks are deceiving. If the guy you flirtatiously asked to take a photo of you and your friend is focusing his lens on the hottie at the bar instead of his targets then cut your losses and don't try to drunkenly convert him. This is probably an indication that tequila time is over and you should try sipping on lemonade instead.

Another sign is one you will find in the mirror. If you're looking more dishevelled then delicious, then freshen up and put away your camera. Your photos that will be posted on Facebook the next day are meant to make your exes jealous and show your 687 friends how fun you are not how low you can go referring to your boob tube top now around your waist. So classy.

So when Fabio look-alike is beginning to look quite attractive, you’re on your second packet of ciggies despite the fact that you don't smoke and the bar staff have told you numerous times they won't serve you; it is well and truly time to go home.

Along will come Saturday and Sunday bringing forth repeat sessions of Friday's shenanigans until it is Monday again. And although you are loathing your early morning start you can't help but be relieved at the routine and normality it brings. For it is time to start the working week again before Friday beckons once more, dragging you into another welcome episode of downright debauchery.