Head Over Heart

There comes a point in life where you decide to turn things around, change direction and start thinking a little more with your head and not with your hormones. 

Usually this epiphany strikes after a relationship turns sour - a relationship that should never have started;

the inevitable encounter with the bad boy. 

He's the guy your friends warned you about yet you just couldn't resist seeing if you could in fact be the one to tame his wild ways. Mission failed. You never managed to tame anything let alone his endless need for a haircut and you walked away scathed.

When this bastard ends up breaking your heart, you vow to never date a loser of this calibre ever again.

From now on you are going to run a mental checklist before anyone tries to charm their way into your life!

Number one - MUST be employed. No more jobless, free spirits. That one grew old after you were caught catching the bill for the third time. 

Number two - someone who can commit to returning calls. Nothing is more annoying than being greeted by a damn chirpy voicemail after you have tried to contact someone over and over again. 

Number three - someone with direction. Those 'go with the flow' types are likely to drift out of your life just as quickly as they have drifted in. One minute the guy is looking to be a surf instructor, the next he decides he wants to start designing t-shirts. Hardly appealing when you go out and buy him a surfboard to pursue his new found dream only to be told 'Babe I love the board, but that was last week's plans. I'm not going with that idea right now. I don't need the pressure man'. Hard to keep yourself from hitting him over the head with the stupid board. 

So after enduring the trials and tribulations of dating a waster you are adamant that the next boy, or should you say MAN, will be nothing like your previous love interest. 

No, the next guy will have to prove himself before he gets anywhere. Attraction is a wonderful thing but when coupled with not much else it can only lead to one thing; at home on a Friday night drinking a bottle of red wine listening to Whitney Houston and crying through the lyrics of 'I have nothing'. It's only months later that you can look back and cringe on why that guy ever meant so much to you! 

No more love dramas, only thought out decisions from hereon you tell yourself. So determined you are to stick to these plans that you immediately head over to your friend's house to proudly tell her of your new plans. 

As you march over there, your head held high, wearing a wide smile and exuding an aura of confidence, you knock on her door excitedly. 

But it's not your girlfriend that answers the door. Instead it's her new flat mate who answers the door wearing nothing but his briefs, yawning and smiling flirtatiously.  You've only ever heard of him and you've indulged in many bitchy phone sessions with her over how he never pays rent or tidies the house.

And now you are finally coming face to face with the boy who has trashed her pad with his late night parties and booze sessions. It's Wednesday lunch time and it's obvious that he has only just lazily stirred from his slumber as you give him the once over. Wow. You swallow hard as you stare openly at his ripped, bronzed body and seem to have forget all about why you came in the first place. 

This definitely does not look like the selfish, good for nothing, slob she described. Suddenly it's irrelevant that he hasn't paid the rent in weeks, doesn't have a job and is still 'figuring himself out.'  You brush all those previous arguments aside and smile back at him. 

And so it begins again, where all reason goes out the window as you tell your head to shush up and keep quiet. This guy could be a keeper! 

When Mr Right Doesn't Know That He Is Mr Right

You’ve got to love the feeling when after a seemingly endless drought; suddenly out of nowhere you meet one of those guys that literally make your jaw drop. Just one look at this masterpiece and you are hooked.

And it’s not just his stupidly amazing physique (oh my GOD!), gorgeous face or killer smile; it's also his charm, intelligence and humour that have you convinced that this is the man for you.

It’s all too easy to meet the ‘if only’ guys. You know, the ones that are perfect albeit one major oversight such as you’re not attracted to him, he lives too far away or his hygiene is questionable at best.

So when you meet that certain someone who ticks all your boxes and sends your heart racing, it’s pretty exciting.

What isn’t exciting is when he shows absolute zero interest. Impossible; you think. So you test the waters by suggestively gazing into his eyes only to be met with a blank stare. And still you try, as you invite him out for lunch and dinner and then as you think you are finally getting somewhere he proceeds to tell you about the current girls he is dating and how far he got with the last one. It is then that you realise that he’s complete indifferent towards you.

Disaster. Fucking disaster. What is his problem? Hasn’t he ever heard the saying, ‘try it, you might like it’? Obviously not.

Obviously this cocky bastard thinks he is too good for you. So what’s your best course of action when the guy of your dreams couldn’t care less about you? Well you can’t get nasty as such, it’s not his fault that he is completely clueless and has no taste in girls!

It’s best to get on with your life. But live bigger, live better and most importantly; be aloof.

Guys love a challenge and if you slowly slip away you will soon have him intrigued and wondering where your prior undivided attention has gone as he seeks you out.

This is where you should be using your anger at the situation as a catalyst to propel your goals into action. Screw him! Show him what he is missing. Embark on that healthy diet that will have you radiant and glowing. Get back into the soft sand runs that will show off your definition. Go shark diving and write that book you have put off for years.

Nothing is sexier than someone who has defined direction in their life and has the discipline to make their dreams a reality. It will make you feel confident, accomplished and allow you to stop incessantly daydreaming about the gorgeous man in question.

But when you take a break from your hectic schedule and decide to pop into the neighbourhood; by all means, make sure you look amazing! Tanned, toned and to die for. It won’t be long till he suggests going out for an innocent coffee. Your response? Apologise, smile and say how busy you are with your scuba diving course that weekend and how you just have sooo much on these days. Ha! That will show him.

It won’t be long before he is cocking up his eyebrow and contemplating his feelings as he begins to consider you as something else other than the dreaded ‘friend’ label.

But this is life and it is not a fairytale romance so there is also another reality – a far less attractive one that he still considers you as his mate and is wondering why you have been acting so strange lately.

In this scenario you just have to be glad that he has kick-started your motivation to finally give up eating wheels of camembert and justifying your actions by feigning a low calcium count. The time is ripe to enquire about his social circle; It’s most likely that he has some cute friends to ease the pain of your rejection!

2011: Your Year!

New year's resolutions. The three words that no one wants to hear in late January. Why? Because the majority of the population know that it's much easier to create these 'ideas' rather than carry them out and stick to them. A few weeks into the new year that was meant to signify new beginnings; it dawns on you that the only new beginning, is the record you've broken for drinking a bottle of tequila in one night.

Every year starts out with so much hope, promise and great intentions but the problem is, is that the silly season doesn't end after Christmas. Oh no, it pretty much keeps going until the end of Summer at the very least. My whole life last year was a silly season. Was it fun? Hell yes! But by December it made me feel a little sick to realise that I still had not gotten my driver's licence and my evening routine consisted of a rack of ribs and a case of beers instead of meditation and 'clean eating' which was more than evident judging by my trusty jeans which were now best worn unzipped. Oh so glamorous.

So here I am again. Another year and a few weeks in and yes I will admit, I have not really made any concrete resolutions let alone stick to them. But as I say every year (except this year I really mean it) this year is different. This is THE year that things will change and I will build solid foundations to kickstart the life I have always envisioned for myself.

So what led me to this dramatic decision? Well I had a bit of an epiphany yesterday. After a tough Australia day and a few too many coronas I dragged myself to work the next day feeling very average. I had decided that I would begin my healthy eating but at around 10am all I wanted was some serious fast food. Yes definitely a nice greasy fix was the very thing I needed, I could always start tomorrow, right? What was the difference? Tomorrow I could really prepare myself properly and get the head start I needed. It was unrealistic to start today... Or was it? Hold up. I said I would start today so I was going to start today. Why put it off yet another day? I had been pigging out on crap for the last 27 days so why give myself the luxury of another day? No, it was time to get serious. Now or never! While I was feeling inspired and determined I made a list of all the foods I would include in my diet and spent the rest of the day turning down cupcakes, chocolate bars, choosing a side of salad over chips and sticking to my water to rehydrate.

Of course I was met with some obvious intrigue from my colleagues. One moron saying, 'So basically you're on the Atkins diet?' Um.... NO. I have just chosen to cut out all the processed, reconstituted (but absolutely delicious) shit, out from my day-to-day eating, it's a lifestyle choice not a diet! Veggies, fruit, yoghurt and meat were going to be my main focus. No more cheese burgers, a loaf of bread dipped in half a bottle of olive oil or family size packets of Doritos chips covered in melted cheese... Mmmm yum... I mean yuk!

With my diet down pat, my energy levels were booming giving me the boost I needed to get back into my exercise and the motivation to make a list of everything I wanted to achieve for 2011 and make it happen! It was then that I realised that life waits for no one. It's less about perfect plans and more about imperfect action. As soon as you start taking steps towards making it happen you have already set the wheels in motion for creating lasting habits that will enable you to carry out your vision.

No one wants to find themselves at the end of 2011 with a pocket full of the same dreams they had from years ago. If you accomplish what you set out to do this year then next year you can think of bigger and better dreams that will enrich your life as you take control of the kind of lifestyle you want to lead.

So make this the year that's full of ticks on your to-do lists instead of full of excuses. Dedicate yourself to your dreams the same way you to do to your job. Sometimes you don't feel like going but that doesn't mean you can just lie in bed! No, you get up and go anyway. Make this your most successful year yet, so that come Christmas time you are buzzing off all the things you have done and you're ready for an even better 2012!