Head Over Heart

There comes a point in life where you decide to turn things around, change direction and start thinking a little more with your head and not with your hormones. 

Usually this epiphany strikes after a relationship turns sour - a relationship that should never have started;

the inevitable encounter with the bad boy. 

He's the guy your friends warned you about yet you just couldn't resist seeing if you could in fact be the one to tame his wild ways. Mission failed. You never managed to tame anything let alone his endless need for a haircut and you walked away scathed.

When this bastard ends up breaking your heart, you vow to never date a loser of this calibre ever again.

From now on you are going to run a mental checklist before anyone tries to charm their way into your life!

Number one - MUST be employed. No more jobless, free spirits. That one grew old after you were caught catching the bill for the third time. 

Number two - someone who can commit to returning calls. Nothing is more annoying than being greeted by a damn chirpy voicemail after you have tried to contact someone over and over again. 

Number three - someone with direction. Those 'go with the flow' types are likely to drift out of your life just as quickly as they have drifted in. One minute the guy is looking to be a surf instructor, the next he decides he wants to start designing t-shirts. Hardly appealing when you go out and buy him a surfboard to pursue his new found dream only to be told 'Babe I love the board, but that was last week's plans. I'm not going with that idea right now. I don't need the pressure man'. Hard to keep yourself from hitting him over the head with the stupid board. 

So after enduring the trials and tribulations of dating a waster you are adamant that the next boy, or should you say MAN, will be nothing like your previous love interest. 

No, the next guy will have to prove himself before he gets anywhere. Attraction is a wonderful thing but when coupled with not much else it can only lead to one thing; at home on a Friday night drinking a bottle of red wine listening to Whitney Houston and crying through the lyrics of 'I have nothing'. It's only months later that you can look back and cringe on why that guy ever meant so much to you! 

No more love dramas, only thought out decisions from hereon you tell yourself. So determined you are to stick to these plans that you immediately head over to your friend's house to proudly tell her of your new plans. 

As you march over there, your head held high, wearing a wide smile and exuding an aura of confidence, you knock on her door excitedly. 

But it's not your girlfriend that answers the door. Instead it's her new flat mate who answers the door wearing nothing but his briefs, yawning and smiling flirtatiously.  You've only ever heard of him and you've indulged in many bitchy phone sessions with her over how he never pays rent or tidies the house.

And now you are finally coming face to face with the boy who has trashed her pad with his late night parties and booze sessions. It's Wednesday lunch time and it's obvious that he has only just lazily stirred from his slumber as you give him the once over. Wow. You swallow hard as you stare openly at his ripped, bronzed body and seem to have forget all about why you came in the first place. 

This definitely does not look like the selfish, good for nothing, slob she described. Suddenly it's irrelevant that he hasn't paid the rent in weeks, doesn't have a job and is still 'figuring himself out.'  You brush all those previous arguments aside and smile back at him. 

And so it begins again, where all reason goes out the window as you tell your head to shush up and keep quiet. This guy could be a keeper! 

When Mr Right Doesn't Know That He Is Mr Right

You’ve got to love the feeling when after a seemingly endless drought; suddenly out of nowhere you meet one of those guys that literally make your jaw drop. Just one look at this masterpiece and you are hooked.

And it’s not just his stupidly amazing physique (oh my GOD!), gorgeous face or killer smile; it's also his charm, intelligence and humour that have you convinced that this is the man for you.

It’s all too easy to meet the ‘if only’ guys. You know, the ones that are perfect albeit one major oversight such as you’re not attracted to him, he lives too far away or his hygiene is questionable at best.

So when you meet that certain someone who ticks all your boxes and sends your heart racing, it’s pretty exciting.

What isn’t exciting is when he shows absolute zero interest. Impossible; you think. So you test the waters by suggestively gazing into his eyes only to be met with a blank stare. And still you try, as you invite him out for lunch and dinner and then as you think you are finally getting somewhere he proceeds to tell you about the current girls he is dating and how far he got with the last one. It is then that you realise that he’s complete indifferent towards you.

Disaster. Fucking disaster. What is his problem? Hasn’t he ever heard the saying, ‘try it, you might like it’? Obviously not.

Obviously this cocky bastard thinks he is too good for you. So what’s your best course of action when the guy of your dreams couldn’t care less about you? Well you can’t get nasty as such, it’s not his fault that he is completely clueless and has no taste in girls!

It’s best to get on with your life. But live bigger, live better and most importantly; be aloof.

Guys love a challenge and if you slowly slip away you will soon have him intrigued and wondering where your prior undivided attention has gone as he seeks you out.

This is where you should be using your anger at the situation as a catalyst to propel your goals into action. Screw him! Show him what he is missing. Embark on that healthy diet that will have you radiant and glowing. Get back into the soft sand runs that will show off your definition. Go shark diving and write that book you have put off for years.

Nothing is sexier than someone who has defined direction in their life and has the discipline to make their dreams a reality. It will make you feel confident, accomplished and allow you to stop incessantly daydreaming about the gorgeous man in question.

But when you take a break from your hectic schedule and decide to pop into the neighbourhood; by all means, make sure you look amazing! Tanned, toned and to die for. It won’t be long till he suggests going out for an innocent coffee. Your response? Apologise, smile and say how busy you are with your scuba diving course that weekend and how you just have sooo much on these days. Ha! That will show him.

It won’t be long before he is cocking up his eyebrow and contemplating his feelings as he begins to consider you as something else other than the dreaded ‘friend’ label.

But this is life and it is not a fairytale romance so there is also another reality – a far less attractive one that he still considers you as his mate and is wondering why you have been acting so strange lately.

In this scenario you just have to be glad that he has kick-started your motivation to finally give up eating wheels of camembert and justifying your actions by feigning a low calcium count. The time is ripe to enquire about his social circle; It’s most likely that he has some cute friends to ease the pain of your rejection!