Head Over Heart

There comes a point in life where you decide to turn things around, change direction and start thinking a little more with your head and not with your hormones. 

Usually this epiphany strikes after a relationship turns sour - a relationship that should never have started;

the inevitable encounter with the bad boy. 

He's the guy your friends warned you about yet you just couldn't resist seeing if you could in fact be the one to tame his wild ways. Mission failed. You never managed to tame anything let alone his endless need for a haircut and you walked away scathed.

When this bastard ends up breaking your heart, you vow to never date a loser of this calibre ever again.

From now on you are going to run a mental checklist before anyone tries to charm their way into your life!

Number one - MUST be employed. No more jobless, free spirits. That one grew old after you were caught catching the bill for the third time. 

Number two - someone who can commit to returning calls. Nothing is more annoying than being greeted by a damn chirpy voicemail after you have tried to contact someone over and over again. 

Number three - someone with direction. Those 'go with the flow' types are likely to drift out of your life just as quickly as they have drifted in. One minute the guy is looking to be a surf instructor, the next he decides he wants to start designing t-shirts. Hardly appealing when you go out and buy him a surfboard to pursue his new found dream only to be told 'Babe I love the board, but that was last week's plans. I'm not going with that idea right now. I don't need the pressure man'. Hard to keep yourself from hitting him over the head with the stupid board. 

So after enduring the trials and tribulations of dating a waster you are adamant that the next boy, or should you say MAN, will be nothing like your previous love interest. 

No, the next guy will have to prove himself before he gets anywhere. Attraction is a wonderful thing but when coupled with not much else it can only lead to one thing; at home on a Friday night drinking a bottle of red wine listening to Whitney Houston and crying through the lyrics of 'I have nothing'. It's only months later that you can look back and cringe on why that guy ever meant so much to you! 

No more love dramas, only thought out decisions from hereon you tell yourself. So determined you are to stick to these plans that you immediately head over to your friend's house to proudly tell her of your new plans. 

As you march over there, your head held high, wearing a wide smile and exuding an aura of confidence, you knock on her door excitedly. 

But it's not your girlfriend that answers the door. Instead it's her new flat mate who answers the door wearing nothing but his briefs, yawning and smiling flirtatiously.  You've only ever heard of him and you've indulged in many bitchy phone sessions with her over how he never pays rent or tidies the house.

And now you are finally coming face to face with the boy who has trashed her pad with his late night parties and booze sessions. It's Wednesday lunch time and it's obvious that he has only just lazily stirred from his slumber as you give him the once over. Wow. You swallow hard as you stare openly at his ripped, bronzed body and seem to have forget all about why you came in the first place. 

This definitely does not look like the selfish, good for nothing, slob she described. Suddenly it's irrelevant that he hasn't paid the rent in weeks, doesn't have a job and is still 'figuring himself out.'  You brush all those previous arguments aside and smile back at him. 

And so it begins again, where all reason goes out the window as you tell your head to shush up and keep quiet. This guy could be a keeper! 

When Mr Right Doesn't Know That He Is Mr Right

You’ve got to love the feeling when after a seemingly endless drought; suddenly out of nowhere you meet one of those guys that literally make your jaw drop. Just one look at this masterpiece and you are hooked.

And it’s not just his stupidly amazing physique (oh my GOD!), gorgeous face or killer smile; it's also his charm, intelligence and humour that have you convinced that this is the man for you.

It’s all too easy to meet the ‘if only’ guys. You know, the ones that are perfect albeit one major oversight such as you’re not attracted to him, he lives too far away or his hygiene is questionable at best.

So when you meet that certain someone who ticks all your boxes and sends your heart racing, it’s pretty exciting.

What isn’t exciting is when he shows absolute zero interest. Impossible; you think. So you test the waters by suggestively gazing into his eyes only to be met with a blank stare. And still you try, as you invite him out for lunch and dinner and then as you think you are finally getting somewhere he proceeds to tell you about the current girls he is dating and how far he got with the last one. It is then that you realise that he’s complete indifferent towards you.

Disaster. Fucking disaster. What is his problem? Hasn’t he ever heard the saying, ‘try it, you might like it’? Obviously not.

Obviously this cocky bastard thinks he is too good for you. So what’s your best course of action when the guy of your dreams couldn’t care less about you? Well you can’t get nasty as such, it’s not his fault that he is completely clueless and has no taste in girls!

It’s best to get on with your life. But live bigger, live better and most importantly; be aloof.

Guys love a challenge and if you slowly slip away you will soon have him intrigued and wondering where your prior undivided attention has gone as he seeks you out.

This is where you should be using your anger at the situation as a catalyst to propel your goals into action. Screw him! Show him what he is missing. Embark on that healthy diet that will have you radiant and glowing. Get back into the soft sand runs that will show off your definition. Go shark diving and write that book you have put off for years.

Nothing is sexier than someone who has defined direction in their life and has the discipline to make their dreams a reality. It will make you feel confident, accomplished and allow you to stop incessantly daydreaming about the gorgeous man in question.

But when you take a break from your hectic schedule and decide to pop into the neighbourhood; by all means, make sure you look amazing! Tanned, toned and to die for. It won’t be long till he suggests going out for an innocent coffee. Your response? Apologise, smile and say how busy you are with your scuba diving course that weekend and how you just have sooo much on these days. Ha! That will show him.

It won’t be long before he is cocking up his eyebrow and contemplating his feelings as he begins to consider you as something else other than the dreaded ‘friend’ label.

But this is life and it is not a fairytale romance so there is also another reality – a far less attractive one that he still considers you as his mate and is wondering why you have been acting so strange lately.

In this scenario you just have to be glad that he has kick-started your motivation to finally give up eating wheels of camembert and justifying your actions by feigning a low calcium count. The time is ripe to enquire about his social circle; It’s most likely that he has some cute friends to ease the pain of your rejection!

2011: Your Year!

New year's resolutions. The three words that no one wants to hear in late January. Why? Because the majority of the population know that it's much easier to create these 'ideas' rather than carry them out and stick to them. A few weeks into the new year that was meant to signify new beginnings; it dawns on you that the only new beginning, is the record you've broken for drinking a bottle of tequila in one night.

Every year starts out with so much hope, promise and great intentions but the problem is, is that the silly season doesn't end after Christmas. Oh no, it pretty much keeps going until the end of Summer at the very least. My whole life last year was a silly season. Was it fun? Hell yes! But by December it made me feel a little sick to realise that I still had not gotten my driver's licence and my evening routine consisted of a rack of ribs and a case of beers instead of meditation and 'clean eating' which was more than evident judging by my trusty jeans which were now best worn unzipped. Oh so glamorous.

So here I am again. Another year and a few weeks in and yes I will admit, I have not really made any concrete resolutions let alone stick to them. But as I say every year (except this year I really mean it) this year is different. This is THE year that things will change and I will build solid foundations to kickstart the life I have always envisioned for myself.

So what led me to this dramatic decision? Well I had a bit of an epiphany yesterday. After a tough Australia day and a few too many coronas I dragged myself to work the next day feeling very average. I had decided that I would begin my healthy eating but at around 10am all I wanted was some serious fast food. Yes definitely a nice greasy fix was the very thing I needed, I could always start tomorrow, right? What was the difference? Tomorrow I could really prepare myself properly and get the head start I needed. It was unrealistic to start today... Or was it? Hold up. I said I would start today so I was going to start today. Why put it off yet another day? I had been pigging out on crap for the last 27 days so why give myself the luxury of another day? No, it was time to get serious. Now or never! While I was feeling inspired and determined I made a list of all the foods I would include in my diet and spent the rest of the day turning down cupcakes, chocolate bars, choosing a side of salad over chips and sticking to my water to rehydrate.

Of course I was met with some obvious intrigue from my colleagues. One moron saying, 'So basically you're on the Atkins diet?' Um.... NO. I have just chosen to cut out all the processed, reconstituted (but absolutely delicious) shit, out from my day-to-day eating, it's a lifestyle choice not a diet! Veggies, fruit, yoghurt and meat were going to be my main focus. No more cheese burgers, a loaf of bread dipped in half a bottle of olive oil or family size packets of Doritos chips covered in melted cheese... Mmmm yum... I mean yuk!

With my diet down pat, my energy levels were booming giving me the boost I needed to get back into my exercise and the motivation to make a list of everything I wanted to achieve for 2011 and make it happen! It was then that I realised that life waits for no one. It's less about perfect plans and more about imperfect action. As soon as you start taking steps towards making it happen you have already set the wheels in motion for creating lasting habits that will enable you to carry out your vision.

No one wants to find themselves at the end of 2011 with a pocket full of the same dreams they had from years ago. If you accomplish what you set out to do this year then next year you can think of bigger and better dreams that will enrich your life as you take control of the kind of lifestyle you want to lead.

So make this the year that's full of ticks on your to-do lists instead of full of excuses. Dedicate yourself to your dreams the same way you to do to your job. Sometimes you don't feel like going but that doesn't mean you can just lie in bed! No, you get up and go anyway. Make this your most successful year yet, so that come Christmas time you are buzzing off all the things you have done and you're ready for an even better 2012!

The Break-through

So you had something that fairytales were made of and you honestly thought it was going to last forever (or at least a really, really long time). You had introduced him to your friends, he was the first thing on your mind when you woke up and a little text message from him would send you sky-high and you felt as if you were floating on air. Lovely wasn't it? And then just as things were going oh so smoothly he hits you with the bombshell; it's over.


It's a shock to the system as you try to comprehend the how and why and the what now? You skim over the past few weeks to try to discover what went wrong and at which moment. You pore over little details and things you could have done differently as you (in a rather unglamorous fashion) choke on your tears and sob your little heart out. Well girlfriend, have your little hour of pain, agony, suffering and what have you but for goodness sake do not let it drag on past the next day.

A breakup; when seen in a positive light, can be a 'break-through.' Turn off your emotions and think with your head and see the situation in an objective light. Look at all the reasons of why it couldn't work whether it be age, you were both headed in different directions or he was just so politically incorrect about everything. Because when someone dumps your ass it's your chance to get out and re-invent yourself. And it's also time to take all the things he didn't like about your lifestyle and live it up! Maybe he hated you spending time with your girlfriends, going shopping or he was absolutely horrified by how much you partied; well it's time to slip on those skyscraper heels, slam back those tequilas and hit every single dance floor around town. Because when you can revel in the very things he detested, it can be extremely liberating and it shows you that you can't be with someone who holds you back in life. You need someone who will encourage you.

An absolute must is to change that playlist on your iPod. By all means please delete all those sappy love songs and fill it up with tracks that send you on a natural high. You want music that inspires and gives you the energy to move on with you life and that will allow you to let go of someone you never really wanted anyway.

And don't leave a couple of 'your' songs in there for the sake of being sentimental; all it takes is one little song to lull you into a false sense of melancholy that will make you think you actually want this guy back; trust me you don't. That's just hormones playing you. We women are emotional creatures and are always willing to make a relationship work because we actually care about the person in question and are absolutely committed (even when it's a lost cause) where guys are more the hump them and dump them type. You catch my drift? So when your thoughts start drifting back to how he sang that mix 106.5 worthy tune to you and you really thought things would work out; stop, switch off and throw on some Livin' Joy/Don't Stop Moving, you will instantly be snapped out of your trance.

Now the best thing about being newly single and back on the market? Well we all know the expression that when it rains it pours and all those bachelors that you turned down while you were seeing someone else are now looking incredibly good. Often when someone hits us up with the 'it's not you, it's me' it's life's code for 'there's something right around the corner that's looking a whole lot better for you and you need to be single so that you can take advantage of it!'

Last but not least make sure you are looking smoking hot. I don't care what you need to do; manicure, hair extensions, gym, and solarium; just go out there and give yourself a make over. But if you already look hot (some of these guys are actually blind and don't realise your worth- they'll be kicking themself once you're gone) then go work it and find someone who can't wait to see you, can't wait to call you, can't wait to introduce you to his friends and feels lucky to have you. Men are curious creatures and so many times, love to come crawling back claiming they have made one huge mistake and want you back, but that's when you realise that all the things you compromised for this jerk are not worth it and you are better off without him.

By all means have your grieving and mourning period but please for the love of God, do not dwell! As soon as you start thinking about him switch off, get busy, take your mind elsewhere or chuck on some music. You need to re-program your thought patterns so they don't immediately meander off to your ex and instead are now focused on you, what you want out of life, your goals and your newfound freedom. It's the time to finally get your driver's license, go for that promotion or take that holiday. This was not a break-up; it's a break-through!

Home Away From Home

I'm a lady of leisure in constant pursuit of hedonism so when it comes to holidays, I always say; yes please! Nothing feels as good as having money in your pocket and visiting the other side of the globe with a mission to soak up the sun and have yourself an amazing adventure.


My last little trip away was to the gorgeous Phuket, to escape the Sydney winter. It was there that I learned that when it comes to planning your getaway, there is one vital thing that needs to be taken into consideration; where you are staying.

After suffering with a horrible viral infection days before I was due to leave, I had not been able to get a wink of sleep and I boarded my flight in exhaustion but still too congested to get any shut-eye. For the duration of the flight I entertained myself with in-flight movies and created a playlist for myself and annoyed the passengers behind me no end by constantly readjusting my seat. At first I would try to sneakily look behind me to see if anyone was watching then I would try to recline bit by bit, cringeing the whole time and trying to do it as carefully as possible. My theory was that if it was a gradual thing my mate behind me wouldn't notice or care. That soon became boring and before long I was cockily holding down the button, sending my seat flying up and down at a moment's notice so the poor guy behind me had to suffer.

Then delirium set in... I was travelling with my sister and we decided to watch a movie together but wanted to sync it at the exactly the same second so we could follow it at precisely the same moment. Much to my dismay my headphones weren't working. Now after 40 hours of no sleep and maybe something to do with cabin pressure, I was so disappointed and desperate to watch the movie that I grabbed at my sister's headphones. We then continued to fight each other over a pair of headphones and ended up bashing the seats in front and behind causing a bit of chaos and weird looks as we pulled each others hair in between hysterical laugher. You get the idea- we went a little crazy. The whole flight I felt restless and loony and by the time we landed in Thailand in 35 degree muggy heat I just wanted my hotel room.

As we arrived into the airport, I immediately regretted wearing thick black jeans. We hadn't even been outside for five minutes and already they were sticking to me. The black shirt I chose to wear did nothing for my pale almost translucent skin and you could spot my pores from a mile away. There were other travellers with lovely tans and beautiful summer dresses and next to them I just looked the ugly, white, pudgy tourist. I felt a mess and was dying to get to our luxurious hotel room. My sister and I looked at each other and telepathically communicated that we were to go straight to our room to relax and there would be no scenic routes or pit stops to sample the Thai cuisine. The whole hour we just kept repeating to each other reassuringly, 'Okay let's just get to our hotel, have a shower, order room service and relax.'

The place we had booked was absolutely beautiful. We had our own private spa and pool access as our balcony sat right on the pool area. It was absolutely luxurious inside and I couldn't wait to relax and fall asleep on my lovely hotel sheets as I envisioned what I had seen on the internet on the hotel's website. As the cab driver dropped us off in front of the resort, two bell boys took our luggage and we strode in, eager to relax. But as we walked through and had a quick peek of the pool area, I couldn't help but notice all the families. And not just families; (because I'm cool with families) but trailer-trash families. Shaven head men with tattoos, holding beer cans and drunkenly yelling out. Mothers with mullets and midriff baring tops yelling at their kids, 'stop runnin' you effin little shit!' I looked at my sister in disbelief. How on Earth were we going to tan and relax in the midst of this!? We agreed to go straight to our room and in regards to the tanning; if worst came to worst we could tan at the beach across the road to escape these hooligans.

After finally being ushered to our deluxe suite we opened the door and the shock could not have been greater. The tiled floor was stained and dirty and a cheap, plastic bowl of fruit mockingly welcomed us. The decor screamed shabby not chic and when my sister went to try inspect the wardrobe, the door fell off its hinges. The bathroom though, was by far the worst. It actually looked so nasty that it crossed the borders of creepy and eerie. And as I peered into the toilet bowel I noticed that it was blocked. Charming... How on Earth were we meant to relax here? Isn't the hotel meant to be the 'safe haven' and how could these people have charged us so much for staying at this dump? (Nevermind the fact that you couldn't even take a dump in this hell-hole) We were that incredulous we took photos as proof of what we were dealing with here. Then we started shoving everything back into our luggage and without showering we put on some summer attire and headed straight back out the door to find another place to stay.

An hour later we were finally settled in the divine Holiday Inn, in a luxurious hotel resort complete with two massive separate wings, pool area with pool bar, restaurants, spa and NORMAL looking families. The staff were lovely, mocktails free-flowing and our bathroom was actually a piece of heaven! I would have been happy to just simply stay in the whole time and order room service.

Now it doesn't matter whether you stay in a five-star resort or a charming little bungalow, the important thing that needs to be taken into account is that it fits the criteria you are after whether it be comfort or adventure. And all in all it needs to feel safe, homely and put you at ease so you can truly relax and put that title of 'lady of leisure' to good use!

Gentleman vs Boy Next Door

My pre-requisites for what I wanted from a guy used to consist of a long list of 'gentleman-like' qualities. He should pull out my chair when I sit down, stand up when I go to leave the table, put his jacket over a puddle etc. Basically I wanted someone to put me up on a pedestal and offer me the kind of attention you now only see in those old fifties movies.


But sometimes it takes meeting someone completely different, to shake up your perspective and show you the difference between what you want and what you actually need. This epiphany came about when I accepted a date, unaware of the little revelation that was about to stir up my world.

The night started off seemingly innocent and unassuming. Cocktails in hand, we were deep in conversation as we explored each others lives and slowly let our guard down as we got to know each other better. We broke all the so-called first date rules by speaking about our ex's, drinking far too much and engaging in more than just a goodnight kiss on the cheek...

The next morning (feeling suitably hung-over) I lay in bed reminiscing about the previous night and felt something different. I felt alive and free! Free from the usual constraints that are involved in those first few outings when meeting someone new. How so? Let me explain. When you date a man who is the very essence of a gentleman, you in turn must behave like a lady. It's only fair right? Now I for one am definitely not a prim and proper kind of woman and it's evident when you look at the kind of nicknames I've had, one being 'what-a-mess' in reference to that cartoon dog that always got itself into some sort of trouble. I'm sure a dapper, well-groomed, posh gentleman would expect more from partner than a (euphemistically speaking) happy-go-lucky, free spirit that isn't likely to censor anything travelling from mind to mouth. And to be quite honest; although the whole concept of having a man at my every beck and call seems appealing; nothing is more attractive than someone who can make you laugh until you cry and completely puts you at ease resulting in things to just flow so effortlessly.

That was when I started to re-think what I actually looked for in a guy. Did I want someone who I had to put on airs and graces with, with the benefit that he held a door open for me? Or was I after someone who would be more like a best friend to me and would tell me to grow up if I threw a tantrum. I thought back to a date I had gone on a few months ago that hadn't really worked out the way I had thought it would. We were having dinner at a lovely restaurant and the guy in question had just ordered my main for me when I realised I had forgotten my house keys. I expressed my annoyance by using the F word which did not go down too well with my date. His face kind of tightened and his jaw clenched as he calmly said, 'That's no language for a lady.' I felt like replying with, 'So I guess the C word is out of the question?' but I sensed that my little joke would not have gone down very well. Needless to say, dinner was strained and the mood was tense.

Partnering up with someone is less about manners and more about doing things for each other, enjoying each other's company and sharing experiences without feeling you need to behave or act in a certain way. That's when you find an undeniable connection, when you are completely on the same wave length with someone and there's no need to put on a show to try to impress one another. It's the little things that count such as him letting you choose the movie even if it's When Harry Met Sally or him taking the time to get to know you and understand you better rather than talking over you to brag about his fabulous promotion or brand new sports car... Yawn. I prefer a guy that's not going to look down on my secret obsession with Playstation and rather someone who is willing to play along-side me.

Because when it comes down to it, a guy racing around the other side of the car to open my door isn't the thing that's going to cheer me up on a bad day, you want someone fun who will put a smile on your face and who truly makes you feel understood and loved.

Battle Mode

I strode to work this morning with a sense of purpose, my heavy military style jacket keeping me warm and my eyes watering from the chilly wind. For just a moment, I had chosen to forget that I was making my way to George Street but instead found myself travelling through a war-torn city overrun by guerrillas. I held my duffel bag tightly pretending that it was packed with rations and not my gym trainers and day diary. I ran up a set of stairs as fast as I could, imagining a spray of bullets roaring out from behind, and almost had to restrain myself from dramatically ducking for cover behind a trash can.

You see the last two books I have read focus on battle-weary lands and the struggle to survive. One is Love in a Torn Land which focuses on the true story of Joanna of Kurdistan and the other is one I am still reading; John Marsden's Tomorrow When the War Began. The books are quite thought-provoking; how would I fare in these situations? Would I crumble under the pressure or would I battle on and become a hero?

Something like this would truly put your character to the test and those around you as well. I could already imagine some of my friends who were definitely not cut out for life in the wild. Some were just too precious and would be too uncomfortable at the thought of just perspiring let alone being stuck out in dangerous territory, deprived of a fresh shower for days on end.

So if a war was being waged on Australia (God forbid) what kind of warrior would I be? Let's explore this exciting but very fictional concept...

Ask any of my friends and they will all tell you that I keep my wits about me when I'm travelling from point A to point B. Some may call it paranoia but I like to refer to it as 'street smart.' If it's after dark and I'm walking home, I will always ensure that I'm not talking into my phone or listening to music; you can never allow yourself to become distracted when in an unsafe area. I will also routinely check who's behind me and depending on their physical appearance I will either continue walking or let them pass in front of me so they don't have the element of surprise should they wish to attack me. This would come in handy if I were going into battle. Alert, sensitive to my surroundings and on the defence, I would be ready for anything.

To-do lists, planning and strategy are things I do for fun. Usually my talents are wasted on things such as coordinating a night out where I plan on how to avoid an ex-boyfriend and devise a back up plan should my girlfriends and I want to bail from a club. My friends find this tedious, unnecessary and time-consuming but it's always great to have options that can propel you forward when the night loses momentum.

Another thing that could work to my advantage are my leadership qualities. Okay so that's just a euphemism for bossy but hey it works whichever way you like to look at it. I love commanding a group of people, delegating and taking control. I'm not afraid to be blunt and unemotional when it comes to getting the job done. 'You there, you have no physical strength whatsoever but your nervous energy could come in handy. Your job will be to keep watch during the night for any enemies approaching!' I could see it happening now... I would turn my little group of misfits into brave freedom fighters!

And amongst all the strife and misery I would remain the eternal optimist. I am already very positive and upbeat in my personal life; if faced with tragedy I would do everything to keep up the morale of the group. I can be very perceptive when it comes to the way others feel and I would use it to my advantage, encouraging those who needed some kind words and offering a joke to another who just wanted to smile.

I could see it all happening, me dressed in my camouflage attire with two black stripes racing down either cheeks, Rambo style. Outfit consisting of something Lara Croft would wear and the physique to match. My time at the gym spent on cardio and weights would pay off as I would glide along the chaotic streets escaping gun-fire.

Now food wise; I'm the kind of person that will eat anything and everything, I would not complain if all I had to survive on was bread and butter. I'd eat food regarding it as fuel for my body that I was using in order to fight a war for democracy and for the safety of my people. Oh I mean 'the' people. Easy to get carried away...

And as I write this blog entry I can't help but chuckle to myself, for all day I have complained about the lack of heating in my building (any temperature that requires a cardigan or more is too cold) I keep thinking of skipping the gym and instead going for a luscious dinner and I'm looking forward to going home so I can curl up in bed and finish reading my book!

Maybe I'm not cut out for the life of a solider? Maybe had this little fantasy I created turned into a reality I would be the one with a blanket over my head willing everything to go away? Well I guess I'll never know, but what I do know is that I'm more than happy to live vicariously through these brave young characters in the pages of my book and only enter their world in the safe realm of my imagination.