Gentleman vs Boy Next Door

My pre-requisites for what I wanted from a guy used to consist of a long list of 'gentleman-like' qualities. He should pull out my chair when I sit down, stand up when I go to leave the table, put his jacket over a puddle etc. Basically I wanted someone to put me up on a pedestal and offer me the kind of attention you now only see in those old fifties movies.


But sometimes it takes meeting someone completely different, to shake up your perspective and show you the difference between what you want and what you actually need. This epiphany came about when I accepted a date, unaware of the little revelation that was about to stir up my world.

The night started off seemingly innocent and unassuming. Cocktails in hand, we were deep in conversation as we explored each others lives and slowly let our guard down as we got to know each other better. We broke all the so-called first date rules by speaking about our ex's, drinking far too much and engaging in more than just a goodnight kiss on the cheek...

The next morning (feeling suitably hung-over) I lay in bed reminiscing about the previous night and felt something different. I felt alive and free! Free from the usual constraints that are involved in those first few outings when meeting someone new. How so? Let me explain. When you date a man who is the very essence of a gentleman, you in turn must behave like a lady. It's only fair right? Now I for one am definitely not a prim and proper kind of woman and it's evident when you look at the kind of nicknames I've had, one being 'what-a-mess' in reference to that cartoon dog that always got itself into some sort of trouble. I'm sure a dapper, well-groomed, posh gentleman would expect more from partner than a (euphemistically speaking) happy-go-lucky, free spirit that isn't likely to censor anything travelling from mind to mouth. And to be quite honest; although the whole concept of having a man at my every beck and call seems appealing; nothing is more attractive than someone who can make you laugh until you cry and completely puts you at ease resulting in things to just flow so effortlessly.

That was when I started to re-think what I actually looked for in a guy. Did I want someone who I had to put on airs and graces with, with the benefit that he held a door open for me? Or was I after someone who would be more like a best friend to me and would tell me to grow up if I threw a tantrum. I thought back to a date I had gone on a few months ago that hadn't really worked out the way I had thought it would. We were having dinner at a lovely restaurant and the guy in question had just ordered my main for me when I realised I had forgotten my house keys. I expressed my annoyance by using the F word which did not go down too well with my date. His face kind of tightened and his jaw clenched as he calmly said, 'That's no language for a lady.' I felt like replying with, 'So I guess the C word is out of the question?' but I sensed that my little joke would not have gone down very well. Needless to say, dinner was strained and the mood was tense.

Partnering up with someone is less about manners and more about doing things for each other, enjoying each other's company and sharing experiences without feeling you need to behave or act in a certain way. That's when you find an undeniable connection, when you are completely on the same wave length with someone and there's no need to put on a show to try to impress one another. It's the little things that count such as him letting you choose the movie even if it's When Harry Met Sally or him taking the time to get to know you and understand you better rather than talking over you to brag about his fabulous promotion or brand new sports car... Yawn. I prefer a guy that's not going to look down on my secret obsession with Playstation and rather someone who is willing to play along-side me.

Because when it comes down to it, a guy racing around the other side of the car to open my door isn't the thing that's going to cheer me up on a bad day, you want someone fun who will put a smile on your face and who truly makes you feel understood and loved.